well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
