I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
