Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
