dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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