I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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