Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
