you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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