last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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