Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
