She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
