At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
