no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
