I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
