I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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