I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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