HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
