Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
