that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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