I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
