A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
there is glitter all over my balls
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