singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Say something about gay babies.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize