Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
