I'm so fucking centered right now
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
