he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
