i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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