Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
