Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
