im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
