He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
