so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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