I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
