they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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