but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
