Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
