i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
