They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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