Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
