its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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