I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize