Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
