hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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