Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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