he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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