I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
