The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
