Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

(1-217): View more from Illinois

Don't worry about it.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.

(1-623): View more from Arizona

That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me

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(530): View more from California

I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.

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