worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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