I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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