How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
