So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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