where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
