I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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