with your own penis?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
