help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
