I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
