That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
