Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
