Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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