Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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