You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
