I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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