how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
