Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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