Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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