i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
