I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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