I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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