and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize