Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
