Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
