No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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