Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
