I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
