i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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