did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
