Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
