Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
